Drowning
by kaysha14
Summary: AU “Yeah Rory go on pour yourself another goddamn drink.” Logan spat. Lorelai watched the scene before her in bewilderment at this woman who was no longer her daughter, Rory was gone. R
1. Gone

Hey guys this is my first GG story, and I do not own GG as I'm sure you all know ;-). This has been in my head for ages so please read and review! It was originally intended as a one-shot but it's turned out a little differently now it's actually written so tell me if I should write more, explaining how they got here and stuff. Enjoy.

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Set at Rory's 21st birthday party. Ever since she was a teenager she has been living a double life, posing as sweet and innocent Rory by day and partying hard with the other rebellious trust fund babies by night.

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Chapter 1 - Gone.

_Let me hold you for the last time_

_It's the last chance to feel again_

_But you broke me, now I can't feel anything._

Rory storms into Richards office just as Richard, Emily and Lorelai are arguing over Richard and Emily's discovery of Rory having sex. Rory is startled at finding them in the study but continues over to Richard's desk.

"Are you ok honey?" Lorelai enquires.

"I'm just peachy" She deadpans.

Lorelai shares a look with Richard and Emily as her tone tells them she is pissed. Rory proceeds to pick up a glass and pours herself some scotch. The three simply stare at her as if they've no clue who she is.

"Rory what are you doing?" Emily asks.

"I'm 21 Grandma, it's legal and last time I checked this was my party."

"Yes but-

She was cut off by Logan's abrupt entry into the room. He looks furious.

"Yeah Rory go on pour yourself another goddamn drink."

Quiet gasps escape Lorelai and Emily's mouths. Rory laughs cruelly.

"Logan how dare you be so rude to my granddaughter" Richard booms.

Logan looks as if he just notices the others in the room for the first time.

"I'm sorry Richard I apologise, Rory's had a bit too much to drink but I shouldn't have spoken so harshly."

" Your damn right you shouldn't have-"

"Oh Logan always the gotta charm everyone into thinking your perfect, _she sips her drink_, when actually you're a bastard." She growls out the last part forcing all the hate into the word. She turns away from her stunned audience, the people closest to her and lets a silent tear fall down her cheek. She lifts the glass to her lips and gulps down the last of her drink, letting the familiar burning sensation comfort her.

"And you're a drunk" He spits out. She tightly grips the glass at this and spins back round.

"Alright what the hell is going on?" Lorelai begs.

"I am what you made me baby"

"No,_ Logan pauses_, now I see my Rory is gone forever." He also looks close to tears.

"Whatever I am you did to me, I hate you." She screams. She launches the glass at his head, he dodges it and it smashes against the wall. Her mask begins to slip and her pain starts to show as more tears escape her haunted eyes. Her mother and grandmother instinctively edge towards her.

"I can not do this anymore." She puts her hands into her long brown hair as if she wants to pull it out.

At this Lorelai walks straight over to Rory and attempts to touch her, which Rory shrugs off.

"Please-

"I knew you were corrupting her, you tricked that girl!" Richard lunges forward as if to hit him but is stopped by Emily.

"Richard, no."

"Richard, I like you - both of you you're very respectable people and I hate to spoil you image of a perfect Rory but I cannot live in this, _pause ,_charade! There's more than just us to consider in this."

This snaps something inside Rory and she instantly composes herself. She looks into her mothers blue eyes and sees fear, part of her wishes she were innocent in this situation but the truth was they were both to blame.

"I'm ok, could you just give us some space?" She whispered pleadingly.

Her mother stepped back from her clearly hurt that Rory wasn't jumping to tell her what was going on. _Oh give me a break mom I don't have to tell you everything about my life Rory thought upon seeing the look her mother gave. _Rory stood up tall, glaring at Logan. She saw something flash in his eyes that she thought was amusement as he knew what was about to happen. War.

Rory considered what to say but what could she say, so her mind wandered to the various bottles that lingered on the small table behind her, that had become such a constant in her life. All of the great moments in her life had had them, alcohol - and Logan. Her eyes shifted a little to the side where she knew they would be and this didn't go unnoticed by Logan as she saw the look on his face. He could no longer be hurt by her need for a drink, her need for it rather than anything else for he too has once shared this need. _But I grew out of it._ He thought almost sadly as his jaw tightened just a little.

"Tonight was the final straw Rory, you can keep your precious liquor but we are done." He said in a final tone but not nastily as he did still have feelings for the Rory he once knew.

"But you did this" She cries.

"You can tell yourself that for the rest of your life if it makes you happy but we both know the events of the last 10 years."

Richard, Emily and Lorelai still look on dumbstruck by the scene in front of them, preying that their Rory is not lost.

"Ten years what the hell are they talking about, what is going on?!" She hisses at Lorelai.

"You think if I had any clue about any of this we would be standing here like idiots?" She hissed in reply.

"You used to be like this too, you started this - all of it and now your making it worse so how dare you blame me!"

" _Used _tobeing the key word Rory, _he repeats quietly_, used to."

" Screw you Logan, you think just because you're a little more tame that your different, better? I don't fucking think so Logan, In Omnia paratus." She spits.

" Don't start your little games to try and get me mad, how many times have you said it before. I'm tired of this and I'm leaving. _He turns to leave but turns back again. _Don't think I'll be coming back because I'm not. _He pauses once again and casts a sympathetic look at Rory's unsuspecting family as they were in for even more shocks. _

I want a divorce and I'll be getting custody of Sophie."

At this Rory cackles with evil laughter, I've got the upper hand now she thought and she was gladly enabled to go and pour another drink opting this time for vodka. She knew the laugh would stop Logan from leaving as they both fed on drama, hell of course they did after all these years and all the shit that had happened they were still together, they couldn't live without it. Already this argument had went on for half and hour and would no doubt continue for years to come.

Logan knew with that laugh, that cold laugh that represented so much heartache in a lot of lives, that Rory had just been given ammo, that she was now going to put up a fight and he gulped and slowly closed his eyes. He should walk out the door now it would make things a lot better, she wouldn't come after him and so the next time he saw her she'd have calmed.

Lorelai's ears were ringing with the last few sounds that had been uttered in the room. Her daughter had married - without telling her. To a type of boy she could not stand. And Sophie, she did not even want to let herself think about it but she knew who this Sophie must be, her granddaughter. Even after those two huge revelations she had still thought her tarnished relationship with her daughter could be repaired but when her daughter had laughed that thought shattered, this person was no longer her daughter, Rory was _gone_.

Well that's the outline of the story, shall I continue? Review please.


	2. Butterfly

Hey guys thanks for the reviews good and bad – critism makes you a better writer. Ok MrSchimpf had a point when he said that Sophie was an unoriginal name to call Rogan's daughter so I'd like some name suggestions please. I hope this chapter everyone likes and you can see I'm not trying to destroy Rory and Logan's relationship just maybe show some harsh realties that affect some people. Please R&R.

I own nothing.

Rory is about 11.

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Chapter 2 - Butterfly

_We were both young when I first saw you  
I close my eyes  
And the flashback starts  
I'm standing there  
On a balcony in summer air_

May 1995

_The story begins here_

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Lorelai sighed into herself, grumbling as she picked up the phone. The receiver clicked as the other end was answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom."

"Lorelai!" Emily exclaimed. "How are you? Is everything alright."

"Yeah Mom, I'm fine, I'm good actually things are going well at work and I've been given a lot more responsibility."

"Oh well that's great."

"Yeah well I was actually wondering if you could look after Rory on Thursday, after school? It's just I can't get off work."

"Of course, you know we always love to see Rory."

"Okay well if you could pick her up from school and I'll pick her up around 8?"

"Great, I'll see you and Rory Thursday then. Bye Lorelai." Emily said her smile evident from the tone of her voice.

"Bye Mom. I appreciate it."

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Thursday afternoon

Rory Gilmore walked onto the grass of Stars Hollow Elementary, the sun glistening across her face, illuminating her face. She eagerly looked around and saw her grandmother waving at her. She ran across to the car and got in.

"Hey Grandma."

"Hello Rory, it's great to see you, look how much you've grown since the last time I saw you." Emily gushed.

"I know Mom says I'm going to be tall."

Emily chuckles and starts to drive off.

"We're going to be having a party this afternoon, would you like that?"

"Um yeah" Rory smiled.

"Good, now tell me about your day."

They drive off headed for Hartford.

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_See the lights  
See the party, the ball gowns  
I see you make your way through the crowd  
And say hello, little did I know_

Chatter and laughter filled the large house as the party was in full swing. Every flower arrangement, waiter and tray of hors d'oeuvres was perfectly in place as Emily always had to orchestrate a party the upper class society demanded. Emily floated through the crowd and flashed a smile her husband's way as she passed him entertaining some men smoking cigars. Emily was leading Rory through the crowd introducing her to various people. Emily walked up to some ladies and began listening intently. Rory take advantage of her Grandmother's distraction slipped away unnoticed.

_Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone  
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess  
It's a love story baby just say yes_

She walked through the various rooms, in awe of the number of people. _There are more people than the population of Stars Hollow here. She thought with a smile. _Spotting her Grandfathers study she approached the door and went inside seeking solace from the party's shenanigans.

She went to the bookcase and selected a book that interested her. She read for a while, totally engrossed in her book that she never noticed when someone entered the room.

The blonde haired boy slipped into the room, where he knew she'd be. He saw her reading, oblivious to anything but her book, her concentration never wavering. He smiled at this intrigued by her. He took a few steps closer and cleared his throat, making his presence known.

Rory looked up started and saw a handsome blonde boy, whom she did not know. She smiled a shy smile in a sort of greeting.

The boy was frozen on the spot. When she had looked up, he looked into her eyes and was simply stunned by the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. He smiled a broad friendly smile.

"Hi I'm Logan."

"Hello, I'm Rory." She said shyly.

Logan moved to sit opposite her and eyed her book.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, nothing important." Rory said her cheeks colouring.

"Don't be embarrassed, I like reading too." He smiled warmly.

"So what are you doing in here?" Logan enquired.

"I just felt like reading, it sounds silly but I love reading and since I didn't really know anyone..." She trailed off.

"What about you? How come you're not out there?"

"It's boring and my Dad's always unhappy with me so I try to avoid him and annoy him as much as possible."

Rory laughed. They talked for what seemed like hours, discussing everything, conversation flowing easily.

"Hey do you maybe want to go outside for a while?"

"Sounds good but we have to make sure my Grandma doesn't see me or else it'll be Oh Rory come and show Twinny how much smarted you are than her granddaughter."

"No problemo, I am a master of stealth."

He pretended to be a spy and hid behind a chair. Rory smiled, she had never met a boy she liked so much.

_So I sneak out to the garden to see you  
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew  
So close your eyes  
Escape this town for a little while_

They carefully opened the door and peeked out. With Emily out of sight they slipped out of the door. They ran down the hall watching out for Emily. They approached the large glass doors that led to the patio. Rory heard Emily's laugh and saw she was out on the patio. Rory grabbed Logan by the hand and ran. They headed for the kitchen and took a left leading to the staircase next to the kitchen so's to avoid any other adults.

"That was close." Logan said with a large grin.

"Yeah guess we can't go outside but it was fun to dodge my Grandma." She had an equally large grin.

The reached the top of the stairs and Rory led Logan towards her mother's old room. She walked into the room, Logan following behind.

"We can hide out in here. And-" She went over the french doors that led to the balcony and opened them. "We can even go outside. She smiled.

"Wow Rory Gilmore I think you're the most interesting, pretty, smartest girl I ever met."

"You're twelve Logan how many girls have you really met?"

"You'd be surprised." He flashed her already perfected playboy smile.

"Let's stand out on the balcony."

They stepped out and stood side by side. A butterfly fluttered past and Logan smiled. The sun was beginning to set and Rory's face fell.

"I'll be leaving soon."

Logan looked at her disappointedly.

"Will I see you again?"

"I hope so."

"I think it'll be fate for us to meet again. Maybe when we're both Ace reporters."

Logan put his hand on Rory's cheek and turned her head to face him. He looked into her beautiful eyes and saw her staring back. He leaned in and lightly pressed his lips to hers, innocently kissing her.

* * *

Rory sat next to Lorelai, as she drove her home.

"So how was the party?"

"I was great; I met some really nice people, one boy especially."

"No no no, fruit of my loins, how lucky you are to have me to guide you. Those people are not nice, sometimes they can act nice for a short period of time but they're all the same self absorbed rich people. You can't trust any of them."

Rory's face fell. The darkness stopped Lorelai from seeing it. Rory knew her mother was set in her ways and she couldn't argue with her. _I really liked Logan – he was special. What my mom doesn't know won't hurt her._

_'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter  
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet  
But you were everything to me  
I was begging you please don't go and I said_


	3. Crack the shutters

Hey guys sorry for the wait. I thought I'd try something a little different with this chapter, putting Rory's present in with the flashbacks. So tell me what you think. I'll get another new chapter up soon, hopefully getting into more detail of what has happened between Rory and Logan. Hope you enjoy. Review Please!

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Light streamed through the cracks in the shutters. Rory's head was spinning; she blearily opened her eyes and struggled to remember where she was. She recognised the familiar surroundings of her apartment, though she was totally unaware how long she'd been there. Images filled her head and she felt shame, as she knew she had thoroughly screwed up this time. Her eyes looked to the frame sitting on the bedside table. Two innocent, deliciously happy faces looked back at her. Her own blue eyes and the beautiful eyes of the only man she had ever truly loved shun back at her. She remembered when that picture was taken, years ago when life was simpler, deceptions were easily and this whole illicit affair had only just began.

_Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day_

_And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body_

_I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute_

_Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you_

May 1995

Lorelai and Rory walked down the street, talking animatedly as ever.

" So Grandma's going to be picking you up from school today." Lorelai began.

Rory's heartbeat raced as she remembered the party and Logan.

"Is that okay with you?"

" Um yeah."

" Because I think it's going to become a more regular thing." Lorelai grumbled to herself and then stopped because she knew her mother was doing her a favour and she adored Rory.

" I mean since I've been given more responsibility at the Inn, I just can't get you after school on Thursday's."

" It's okay mom, I'll be fine with Grandma."

A small smile played on Rory's lips as she crossed her fingers and toes in hope that this meant she could see Logan.

Present day – 2005

Rory forced herself up from the bed and shakily walked across the room; surprised she could walk at all. She looked in the mirror and saw her 21-year-old self, her worn out eyes and pale skin.

" What the hell's happened to you?" She asked herself, half hoping for a reply.

She went into the other room and turned on the TV to discover it was Tuesday and that she had been MIA since Friday. She decided she had better shower, as the remnants of stale alcohol would no doubt surround her.

Climbing into the shower, she let the warm water engulf her. Thoughts of her birthday party filled her head and Logan's voice rang in her ears.

"_You can tell yourself that for the rest of your life if it makes you happy but we both know the events of the last 10 years."_

May 1995

Rory and Logan ran through the gardens of the Gilmore mansion, laughing happily.

" I'm glad you convinced Emily to have us all over, I didn't know if I'd see you again."

" You're, _she paused_, - you're the reason I asked my Grandma." She coloured a little.

Logan smiled.

" I never met a boy who I actually liked before."

They chuckled.

" C'mon we better go find the others, before we lose the game."

Present 2005

Rory turned on her cell. The screen flashed, 5 missed calls from her Grandparents, a voicemail from Logan and nothing from her mother. This didn't surprise her, they were already estranged but the revelations no doubt sealed the deal that their relationship would be serious tainted for a long time, if not _forever._

She selected Logan's message and held the phone to her ear.

_" I don't even know what to say ace. He sighed. We both need to get ourselves sorted, you should take some time, go on vacation, figure out what you want in life."_

Rory hung up the phone and also sighed.

May 1995

Rory and Logan ran into the closet.

" Colin and Finn will never find us in here." Rory whispered, in fear of being discovered.

They silently breathed, both aware of their close proximity. Rory felt her cheeks flush once again, as she realised how inexperienced she was in the area of boys. _Well c'mon Gilmore you're only 10, still she thought I bet Logan Huntzberger has kissed a few girls in young life._

" Logan I really like you but I don't know if I can see you, my mom she's really strange about people and boys sometimes, she kinda doesn't like rich people." Rory rambled hoping Logan wouldn't be offended or he wouldn't just think she wasn't worth it.

" Well that's cool cuz I kinda don't like rich people either. But I understand, I don't think my dad would be too happy about us hanging out either, he sorta thinks he has my life planned out. He smiled warmly at her. But I don't think he does, it's my life and I say who needs parents, we can hang out if want."

He leaned over and placed a small kiss on her cheek.

Rory felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

" I don't want us to stop seeing each other."

" We'll figure out a way to make it work." They embraced and stood hugging each other for a moment that seemed to last forever.

_It's been minutes, it's been days, it's been all I will remember_

_Happy lost in your hair and the cold side of the pillow_

_Your hills and valleys are mapped by my intrepid fingers_

_And in a naked slumber, I dream all this again_

Present 2005

Rory decide it was time she stopped sulking and showed the world never to cross Rory Gilmore. She called her lawyer and set up a meeting. Then she decided what better way to show the world she was on top than to go out. She attended lots of parties and was quite the socialite due to her family name, her boyfriend and her money. Looking through her contact list, a smirk formed on her lips as she decided who to call.

" Holden James."

Review please and any story suggestions are totally welcome.


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